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"Pretty cool, huh Timmy?!"
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Dr. Suess Explains Computers:
If a packet
hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your
cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!
If the label
on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy
of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
and the microcode instructions cause you unnecessary risk,
then you'll have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to call your mom.
COMPUTER SAYINGS
1. Home is where you hang your @
2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
5. Great groups from little icons grow.
6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
7. C:\ is the root of all directories.
8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
9. Pentium wise-pen and paper foolish.
10. The modem is the message.
11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
13. A chat has nine lives.
14. Don't byte off more than you can view.
15. Fax is stranger than fiction.
16. What boots up must come down.
17. Windows will never cease.
18. In Gates we trust.
19. Virtual reality is its own reward.
20. Modulation in all things.
21. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
22. There's no place like http://www.home.com.
23. Know what to expect before you connect.
24. Oh, what a tangled web site we weave when first we practice.
25. Speed thrills.
26. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net
and he won't bother you for weeks.
No Dogs Allowed
Two guys were walking their dogs - one had a German
Shepherd and the other had a Chihuahua. The
man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar for a drink.
The other man says, “They're not going to let dogs into the bar.”
And the first guy says, “No? Watch
this.” So he puts on some dark
glasses, acts like the German Shepherd is a seeing-eye dog, walks into the bar
and orders a drink. And no one says
anything.
So the second guy takes out some dark glasses, slips them on, and walks his
Chihuahua into the bar. The
bartender says, “Sorry-we don't allow dogs in here.”
And the man says, “It's okay-it's my seeing-eye dog.”
The bartender laughs and says, “This Chihuahua is your seeing-eye dog?”
And
the guy says, “They gave me a Chihuahua?”
Dead Dog
A guy takes his limp dog to a veterinarian for diagnosis. The vet lifts
the dog's eyelid with his finger and sees the X on the eyeball and says,
"I'm sorry to have to inform you, sir, but your dog is dead."
"No, no," the guy says, "That can't be. Just yesterday we
were playing - catching the Frisbee, running, jumping... Why, he was as lively
as ever. Isn't there another test?"
"Okay," says the vet, "I'll bring in my cat."
So this vicious alley cat comes in, jumps up on the examination table, hisses
and claws the dog but there is no movement.
"See," says the vet, "I told you, this dog is dead!"
"I still can't believe it," the guy says, "We had such fun
romping in the yard just yesterday."
"I'll bring in my Labrador Retriever," says the vet.
The Lab jumps up onto the table, barks and paws the dog, sniffs and then jumps
down.
The vet says, "If there was an ounce of life in your dog, he would have
stirred just a little."
"Okay," says the guy, "I guess I'll have to believe you.
What do I owe you?"
"One thousand and sixty dollars," says the vet.
"A THOUSAND SIXTY!!!," cries the man.
"Well, it would have been just sixty dollars," says the vet, "But
you insisted on the cat scan and the lab tests."
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